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February 2, 2004

I've been in a weird confused restless state for the past bit.

It's funny to realize that after all this, I spent over 6 years working
for Nullsoft, Inc. (or its acquiror) -- this is nearly a quarter of my 
life so far, and a much higher percentage of my adult(ish) life -- and 
here I am, starting over. 

I feel like whatever I do next is pretty much doomed to fail*. Not that 
I have any real plans, but maybe I need to do something that I don't 
want to succeed anyway. 

* it's very common, it seems, for the second project to be at most a marginal
success-- it's super common in the tech field, but happens everywhere -- look 
at Zwan**, for instance (no offence mr. corgan, but forget about jesus).
(edit: OK so I was a little bit hard on Zwan there, it was just such a 
let down after how good earlier Smashing Pumpkins albums, and Slint, were.. 
That's really unfair for me to use them as an example anyway, since they 
probably didn't say "ZWAN IS GONNA BE SO HUGE". Anyway, I digress)

** Christophe points out to me that the Smashing Pumpkins started sucking at
the end, too, so this isn't a good point 

Maybe I'll manage to escape that fate, I don't know. I'm not in a super huge
hurry to find out, but I do still want to create things. I guess the trick is
denying yourself ambition (which seems to find its way to you, regrettably), 
and to just make shit for the sake of making it.  Not because you think it'll 
be big, not because it's "what you're doing next", but rather, because it's 
interesting. To you. Whether or not anybody else cares, is their business. 

Having said that, when I start releasing new things, I hope people will take 
it the right way -- that I'm just doing the same thing I started doing 6 or
7 years ago.

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